Complimentary

After a very long absence, I'm back!

I really do apologize. I have so much going on that it's a wonder I can upkeep even one blog!
If you haven't checked out my other blog, do! I post pretty regularly and I like to think that I have interesting things to say :)

I'm planning on posting more frequently here as well! I've been thinking a lot recently about the topics this blog is centered around. So...hold me to it :) If I don't start posting, get on my case!

Anyways, my favorite class this semester is my Psychology of Gender class. I really wasn't too excited about taking this required course, but I love it! I am learning so much. And, my teacher feels very strongly about a lot of the same issues I do (e.g. sexualization in the media), so we have a lot of really great discussions about them.

In fact, this week we watched a clip from the movie "Reviving Ophelia," which is based on a book of the same name. In the film, the book's author (Mary Pipher) gave some suggestions of ways that we can help girls understand that they have worth which extends beyond their physical appearance. One of the suggestions that she gave to boys in particular was to compliment girls on things other than appearance.

So, our teacher gave us this assignment: for a week, we need to refrain from making any appearance-based compliments! She told us that whenever we feel like complimenting someone on the way they look, we need to stop and compliment them on something else. At the same time, she asked us not to abstain from giving compliments because we're only used to commenting on others' appearances; she wants us to focus on praising people for things that are lasting, such as their character traits.

I've only been doing it for two days so far, and boy...it's hard!

I realized that I give out a lot of appearance-based compliments. I kept having to stop myself from saying things like "You look so cute!" or "I love your outfit!" And, I'll admit--I did slip up and compliment one girl on her appearance at work yesterday (don't tell!).

Here's my challenge to you: try it with me! See if you can go for a week without complimenting people on their appearance. Really make an effort to compliment them on other things. So far, I've praised people on their cheerfulness, dancing abilities, kindness, and ability to put together great outfits (Okay...that last one is kind of pushing it! But her outfit was just too CUTE! I had to say something!)

So...can you do it? I promise, it's harder than it looks! :)
At the end of the week, I'll tell you about my experiences. Take the challenge--I'd love to hear how it goes!

--Kelli

Miss Utah!

I have completely neglected this blog...forgive me! I guess I'd have a little bit more motivation to keep updating it if I knew that people actually read it.

Anyways, I competed in the Miss Utah pageant about a month and half ago...it's kind of the anticipated high moment of being a local title holder. It was a great experience! I wrote about it on my other blog, Blissful Nothingness. You can check out the post about how I did here. I also have another post from that blog that focuses on breaking the pageant stereotypes here if you're interested. :)

So, again, I apologize. I'd like to upkeep this blog and keep posting things, but I'm just going to get busier with school starting and it's going to get even harder. However, I'm really going to try to post something occasionally!

-Kelli

This Girl Knows the Meaning of Self-Confidence!

I absolutely LOVE this video! It is so cute.



Kids often have such a strong sense of who they are...this little girl is exhibiting extreme self-confidence, self-esteem, AND self-acceptance! It might seem a little bit silly to imagine ourselves doing something like this...looking into the mirror and saying things we love about our lives...but why should it be silly? Maybe if we were to tell ourselves more often, "I love my hair, I love my haircuts...I can do anything good!" we might be more prone to start believing it. Somehow, in the transition from childhood to adulthood, we lose this sense of happiness and excitement that comes just from being alive. So why not try it out?

TRY IT OUT: Start saying a daily affirmation to yourself. Last post, I talked about making a promise..."I promise to always love my _____." Every day you look in the mirror, make an effort to tell yourself how much you love this feature, whatever it is. Wow, my hair looks great today! or I'm so lucky that my hair always does what I want it to do! Each day, start noticing other things you love about yourself and make sure to vocalize them.

--Kelli

Self-Esteem part 2

Last time we talked a little about what self-esteem was and the negative effects that low self-esteem can have on girls.
But what are some ways to help foster high self-esteem?
Girl Scouts' uniquely ME! gives a list that I think is a good place to start from. These tips are all simple, straight forward things that girls can work on every day. They're probably things you've heard before, and you might think, "Are doing these things REALLY going to help boost my self-esteem?
YES! But self-esteem isn't something you can build in a day. It takes time. I think that these tips can help out.

1. Celebrate you!
   Reward yourself when you have accomplished something! You don't need to wait for others to recognize what you've done.
2. Surround yourself with positive people.
   Spend time with people who are upbeat and feel good about themselves. They, in turn, will put a smile on your face and help you feel good about yourself.
3. Challenge yourself to try new things.
   Try a ropes course, learn some new dance steps, speak in front of a large group. Stepping outside of your comfort zone to try new things is a great way to grow.
4. Be good to your body.
   Exercising, eating well, and getting plenty of sleep will help you move toward a healthier you—inside and out!
5. Find and express the real you.
   No other person has the unique combination of qualities that you have! Be proud of yourself and be courageous enough to express your true feelings.
6. Have a positive mental attitude.
   A positive attitude is contagious! You'll feel good and people will want to hang out with you.
7. Learn from your experiences.
   Learn from your actions—both good and bad, and use the knowledge you gain to make positive decisions in the future.
8. Find the humor in everyday life.
   When you can see the funny side of things, you'll be less stressed and more likely to handle tough situations better.

"I Promise to Always Love My..."
Last week I had the opportunity to  speak to a cheer camp for girls in junior high. I had them do something differently than I had the elementary school girls do. We talked a little about what to do when we look in the mirror and see something we don't like about ourselves. Obviously, it's hard to convince ourselves that our hair looks fine if we're having a bad hair day.
However, I think most everyone has something that they almost always love about themselves. Maybe it's their eyes, their smile, the way they keep their nails manicured.
Pick one thing about your appearance that you do love.
Make a promise to yourself...I want you to actually say this out loud. "I promise to always love me ______!" For me, I would probably choose my smile.
Remember that you made a promise to yourself to always love this part of you. When you start complaining about the way you look. I want you to focus instead on the part of you that you love. 

- Kelli 

What is Self-Esteem?

Another program that I think is awesome for fostering girls' self-esteem is the Girl Scouts' uniquely ME! program. Girl Scouts is partnered with the Dove Self-Esteem Fund that I mentioned in my last post. Anyways, they created their program in 2002 to help girls face life's challenges while building self-esteem. The program addresses topics such as handling peer pressure, healthy eating, the power of positive thinking, and relationships. I especially love their tagline:

"you can change the way you look or you can change the way the world looks at girls." 

 You can check out their website here for more information.

Today, I'm going to talk a little bit about what self-esteem is, and I mentioned uniquely ME! because that's where I'm pulling my information from. A lot of it is word for word. They have one of the best definitions of self-esteem that I've found and I love the way they discuss it. (Plus, you know I'm not just making this up!)

So what IS self-esteem?

According to the National Association for Self-Esteem ,someone who possesses self-esteem feels capable of meeting life’s challenges and also feels worthy of experiencing happiness. Individuals with high self-esteem can be characterized by the following traits: 
• Tolerance and respect for others
• Ability to accept responsibility for their actions
• Having integrity
• Taking pride in their accomplishments
• Being self-motivated
• Willingness to take risks
• Being capable of handling criticism
• Being loving and lovable
• Seeking the challenge and stimulation of worthwhile goals
• Wanting to take control of their lives

Self-esteem means having confidence in oneself, in addition to being capable of feeling self-satisfaction. It is important to note that a strong sense of self esteem is based on values and self awareness; it is not a sense of "false bravado", which often contributes to bullying behaviors.

What causes low self-esteem? (List taken from "Empowering Teens To Build Self-Esteem,” Suzanne E. Harrill, M.Ed. 1993.)

• Believing the negative and hurtful words and
actions of others
• Living with people who did not or do not love
and respect themselves
• Having negative thoughts about performance,
looks, family income level and I.Q.
• Being under or over-protected as a child
• Not being taught “I am good and of value and
loved no matter what”
• Doubting the love of one or both parents (the
absence of parents also hurts)
• Being punished without ever being taught to
separate self from bad behaviors
• Being compared to others or to perfect standards
that cannot be met
• Thinking that “you” are your possessions,
clothes, car, grades, job, looks, or I.Q.

Why is low self-esteem so dangerous?
Low self-esteem is becoming more and more prevalent among pre-adolescent and adolescent girls in our country. Research conducted by organizations including the Dove Self-Esteem Fund demonstrates that risky behaviors (smoking, drinking, cutting) and eating disorders are often associated with low self-esteem.
Do you remember some of the statistics I reported in my initial post? Well, here's a re-cap...

Low self-esteem significantly impacts girls' feelings about their own beauty:
• 71% of girls with low self-esteem feel their appearance does not measure up – they report not
feeling pretty enough, thin enough or stylish/trendy enough (compared to 29% of girls with high selfesteem).
• 78% of girls with low self-esteem admit that it is hard to feel good in school when you do not feel
good about how you look
• 92% of girls think they need to change something about themselves to be beautiful

Low self-esteem negatively affects girls' confidence in all areas of their life:
• 7 in 10 girls believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some way, including based on their looks, performance in school and in their relationships with friends and family members.
• 62% of all girls feel insecure or not sure of themselves.

Girls with low self-esteem are significantly more likely to engage in dangerous and/or negative behaviors:
• 75% of girls with low self-esteem reported engaging in negative activities such as disordered eating, cutting, bullying, smoking, or drinking when feeling badly about themselves (compared to 25% of girls with high self-esteem).
• 25% of teen girls with low self-esteem practice disordered eating, such as starving themselves,
refusing to eat, or over-eating and throwing up when they are feeling badly about themselves (compared to 7% of girls with high self-esteem).
• 25% of teen girls with low self-esteem resort to injuring themselves on purpose or cutting when they are feeling badly about themselves (compared to 4% of girls with high self-esteem).
• 61% of teen girls with low self-esteem admit to talking badly about themselves (compared to 15%
of girls with high self-esteem).

“Real Girls, Real Pressure: A National Report on the State of Self-Esteem” commissioned by the Dove Self-Esteem Fund, 2008.

I think that those statistics are scary, and unfortunately, low self-esteem is more pervasive than ever before. What do you think? Were these statistics surprising to you?
So I think it's pretty clear that we need to help girls build self-esteem. But how do we go about doing this? Well, that's going to be the focus of my next few posts! So, stay tuned!

Kelli

Moms--Talk to Your Daughters!

When I was talking to the girls the other week, we discussed where we get our ideas about beauty. While most of them agreed that the media influenced how they thought about themselves, most of them also said that their family influenced their views of the world, particularly in regards to beauty. You have a greater influence on your daughters than you think!
How many times have you looked in the mirror while your children were around and said something along the lines of, "Wow, Mom sure needs to lose weight!" or "Yikes, I look so fat!" You are your daughter's role model, and the way you view yourself and your body will influence the way she views hers.
79% of all women agree that that there is a need to start talking to girls early in life about what real beauty is, and 72% hope that they have not passed on feelings of doubt or insecurity to their daughters.
Are you one of those women?

If so, have you started talking to your daughters about beauty? Like many girls, as I hit adolescence and puberty, I had a lot of questions and wasn't really sure what to think about beauty. Girls are influenced from numerous sources about how they should look and how they should treat their bodies, and it can be so confusing! All of a sudden, I felt like nothing about me looked right. I needed to pluck my eyebrows, shave my legs, color my hair, grow a few inches, start wearing makeup, buy new clothes, etc. And obviously, these aren't all bad things...but it can be hard. Even though my mom and I always had a good relationship, I felt kind of embarrassed to talk to her about those sorts of things.

Communicating with your daughter is one of the most important things you can do! Develop a relationship in which she knows she can come to you when she has questions or insecurities. Did you know that the top wish among girls is that their parents would communicate better with them – including more frequent and more open conversations about what is happening in their own lives?

A great way to do this is by using the True You! workbook, put out by Dove. I'm a big supporter of Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty and of the Dove Self-Esteem Fund, and I love this guide that they've put together for moms and daughters who are just starting to hit adolescence. Check it out, and let me know what you think!
Guide for Moms
Workbook for Moms and Daughters

-Kelli

Check This Out!

Last week, I went to visit some elementary schools and got the chance to talk to some 4th and 5th grade girls. We talked a little bit about where we get our ideas about what beauty is and how to build self-acceptance in a world where we're told day in and day out about how we should look. Here's a little peek at part of the presentation I did...

 TV and magazines tell us we should look like these people:

So what happens if we don't?

The truth is, most of don't look like super models or movie stars...and that's OKAY!

The media presents an unrealistic standard of what beauty is. The often tell us how we should look because they are trying to sell us something; they want us to think that if we buy their clothes or makeup, we will look like the people in their ads.

But GUESS WHAT?

A lot of the pictures in ads are NOT REAL! Even super models aren't always as gorgeous as they appear.

Check out this awesome video:

How does this video make you feel? I remember the first time I saw it, I was blown away! I knew that pictures in magazines were often touched up, but I had no idea just how much they could do to them! 
The girls were equally shocked. We all agreed that this picture wasn't really real, and we wondered if the woman in it would be able to recognize herself if she were the one walking by the billboard.


My blog's focus so far has been on the different tactics used by the media that often make us feel less than adequate. I'm now going to start focusing my posts on helping girls build self-esteem and self-acceptance. A lot of my posts are actually going to be directed towards parents. And, true to my promise, I'm going to be updating a lot more often.


Kelli